When you have kids, balancing a full-time career with being a full-time parent is a constant challenge. This balancing act has become a common conversation in the workplace, and many successful parents worry they’re sacrificing their families on the altar of their own ambition. So what’s the answer? Is there a secret formula to success? Can working parents really have it all? A successful career and a fulfilling home life?
You bet! But finding balance isn’t easy.
I sat down recently with some fellow working parents, and we shared stories of our own personal struggles and rewards. Since we’re all trying to survive the glorious insanity that is working parenthood, I wanted to impart some of these words of wisdom from fellow working parents.
Let Go of Perfection
It’s a constant struggle to be the best possible parent, best possible person and have the best possible career. It’s overwhelming and exhausting. All the pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect can zap us of energy.
Your house may not always be spotless and you may not be able to make every meal from scratch, but prioritize what’s most important to you. Nobody’s perfect. And nobody expects you to be. So let go of the guilt and do what works for you.
Organize Your Life
Between appointments at work and your kid’s activities, things are bound to be hectic. Keep a calendar that tracks both personal and professional appointments in one place so you can be where you need to be when you need to be. Which brings me to my next point …
Be Flexible
As much as you try to plan ahead, things inevitably come up that you weren't expecting — a snow day at school, a sick kiddo, running late in the morning, etc. Be prepared to scrap your plan go with the flow. And understand that you can’t be everywhere at once. There will be times when you have to miss an important meeting at work when your child is sick, or miss one of your child’s events. It’s OK if you’re not there all the time. Kids are resilient. Letting your kids experience things on their own encourages them to be more independent, teaches them to make friends and to be curious.
Find a Support System
As parents and professionals, we should capitalize on every resource available to simplify our lives, starting with each other.
Start by building a community of fellow working parents. You might feel uncomfortable sharing potty training stories when gabbing with co-workers, but you can find some of your greatest champions right at the office. These office parents can be a great support system, if for nothing else than knowing that others are experiencing the same issues that you are.
Make friends with other parents at your children’s school. There will be parents with different work situations who will gladly help you out in a pinch. It provides great peace of mind knowing you have backup just in case. At school, swim practice or wherever, find the parents who do stay home and network with them. Many of these parents once worked full-time, too, so they understand the struggles.
Personalize Your Own “Normal”
Everyone struggles with work-life balance: moms and dads, non-parents, interns, senior management, everyone. So the idea of a “normal” work day doesn’t exist. My normal most likely looks different from yours. It’s up to you to determine what your normal looks like.
Consistency, schedule and routine are the real keys to success. Find what works for you and stick to it.
Quality Over Quantity
With a hard-set 24 hours in the day, our energy is much better spent on quality time with family rather than fighting for the impossibility of more hours in the day. I make it a point to set up regular “dates” with my children, especially after I have been away on business travel, so that we have special one-on-one time together.
For me personally, the biggest challenge has been balancing travel and family, so it’s important for me to have quality time with my family. When I’m traveling, I take advantage of my flights to make to-do lists and plan meals for the coming week, so when I’m home I can spend that time with the ones I love.
Set Technology Boundaries
Having round-the-clock access to technology is both a blessing and curse. On the one hand, you can accomplish a lot more work out of the office than in the past, which allows you to make it to those 4 o’clock soccer games. On the other hand, technology can easily become a distraction. Set some clear boundaries for yourself so your work doesn’t take over your home life. Same goes for your family. Designate technology-free time for everyone so you can enjoy more quality time together.
Don’t Forget About Your Own Needs
Set aside some time for you — whether daily or weekly — to do something you enjoy and unwind. A busy mother (don’t you love how redundant that is?) confessed how hard it was for her to take “me” time. “I feel guilty for wanting to jog after work, because that’s even more time I’m spending away from my kids.” Having a fulfilled, satisfying personal life is an important aspect of having a successful career. So take care of yourself! It’s not selfish. It’s necessary.
For all you parents out there, what are your secrets to success? Have you found your balance of being a working parent? What’s worked for you? And what hasn’t? I’d love to hear from you!
Laura Dulle is a quality assurance manager at Burns & McDonnell and a full-time working mom. She’s been working as a manufacturing, engineering and supply chain professional for more than 18 years.
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